Momo Fali's: Read One Hour Before, or Two Hours After Eating

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Read One Hour Before, or Two Hours After Eating

Day before yesterday I laughed at someone for stepping on a dead baby bird. I didn't find the dead bird funny, but rather the picture of grace which is the person slipping on a city sidewalk. I like to watch people fall. I love AFV. It's kind of a sickness.

So guess who came to visit me yesterday? Karma. While working in the yard (okay, not so much working in the yard as spraying Round-Up on clovers that have apparently been sneaking steroids through the gate) I stepped on a dead baby bird.

You would think that was the worst thing I've ever stepped on.

Long ago, on a cruise, after a few too many drinks with mini-umbrellas and a certain ingredient that rhymes with "bum", I left the ship's dance club with friends. I was wearing high-heeled sandals that were killing my feet and decided to walk the carpeted halls barefoot.

As we rounded a corner, my bare foot landed squarely in a pile of someone's fresh vomit.

It may have been 12 years ago, but I am still telling myself that it was just a spilled strawberry shake.

Labels: How to Lose Readers, Ramblings

# posted by Momo Fali : 8:04 AM

Comments:

Payback. It's a bitch and it squishes when you step in it.

# posted by

Kevin McKeever : June 3, 2009 at 8:10 AM

I hate Karma. She's such a bitch.

Happy stepping!

# posted by

WeaselMomma : June 3, 2009 at 8:36 AM

Karma is so freaking genius.

# posted by

Texasholly : June 3, 2009 at 9:16 AM

Oh My God! Thats tooo funny. But now I fear because I laughed - karma is going to get me!

# posted by

meleah rebeccah : June 3, 2009 at 9:51 AM

Blech...I read this one hour after eating--I really should learn to follow instructions. I never stepped on a dead baby bird, but last year I foud one in my house. Under the TV stand. I still have NO idea how it got there.....poor birdie.

# posted by

Valerie : June 3, 2009 at 11:17 AM

Ew ew ew

# posted by

Just Vegas : June 3, 2009 at 11:29 AM

Was it still warm? (The vomit, not the baby bird...) *snicker*

# posted by

Lynn @ Walking With Scissors : June 3, 2009 at 11:56 AM

OK so it wasn't your post that got me, it was Lynn's comment asking if the vomit was warm. Blech!

I think stepping into fresh cat vomit in the middle of the night (and this was after I'd admonished the cat for bringing me yet another headless chipmunk) has been the worst.

# posted by

Auds at Barking Mad : June 3, 2009 at 12:02 PM

I'm pretty sure I'll just skip lunch today.

So sick.

# posted by

Angella : June 3, 2009 at 12:02 PM

Karma is a bitch, isn't she. When I moved into my present house I found plenty of birds, dead and alive. They were getting in through the roof vents (the vents and roof have been replaced). To this day I don't look at birds the same way.

# posted by

SurprisedMom : June 3, 2009 at 12:12 PM

OMG that's disgusting. It gave me the ass shivers just reading it.

# posted by

Amy : June 3, 2009 at 1:14 PM

I, too, love AFV. Oh it cracks me up every time! But the vomit is gross.

# posted by

Debbie : June 3, 2009 at 2:31 PM

I saw your tweet this morning warning me.

I then saw your tweet this afternoon.. yet warning me again..

I am thankful I took head to your warning and digested my lunch..

Vomit on the toes. now that makes me green.. blah.

# posted by

Kim : June 3, 2009 at 2:35 PM

I love people falling over too. Once laughed at a woman falling over a dwarf wall, then realising it was a church wall, laughed even harder.

Eeeevvvvviiillll.

# posted by

Ian Newbold : June 3, 2009 at 3:03 PM

I am suddenly very hungry for a shake!
*slurp*

# posted by

Blah Blah Blah : June 3, 2009 at 3:04 PM

Ok, now I am wishing I saw the afore mentioned tweets. My dinner about came up when you said the word vomit.

# posted by

Kat : June 3, 2009 at 3:05 PM

Ugh. Vomit? I would have cut off my foot.

# posted by

Kathy : June 3, 2009 at 3:33 PM

WTH is AFV? And no, no, vomit is bad, warm vomit worse, but warm dog and/or cat shit is by far THE grossest ever. Blech.

# posted by

Kori : June 3, 2009 at 4:25 PM

I wish that was the worst thing I had ever done after a few too many fruity drinks.

# posted by

Otter Thomas : June 3, 2009 at 4:26 PM

*gag* isnt it weird how funny it is though, watching people fall? Once at Wurtsmith AFB in Michigan, we (the 2 of us plus about 3 other customers) were at the BX getting ready to make our way through the parking lot in the dead of the frigid winter. Thick lumpy ice all over the parking lot. it was storming so we waited a minute or so when this poor woman came walking in from her car. She tried so hard, poor girl. She stood up and fell down at least 4 times. I hated to laugh because it had to hurt, but man, it was hilarious...thanks for the laugh.

# posted by

Birdie : June 3, 2009 at 6:12 PM

I'm still trying to think of what ingredient rhymes with Bum. Hmmmmm:

come

dumb

hum

mum

numb

plumb

sum

tum

thumb

chum

yum

GUM!

That's it! It was a bubble GUM flavored drink. Sounds awesome.

# posted by

Out-Numbered : June 3, 2009 at 7:13 PM

Oh so gross. Bummer for you, but laughs for us, so thanks!

# posted by

And I'll Raise You 5 : June 3, 2009 at 10:25 PM

I hate Karma!

# posted by

Ed : June 3, 2009 at 11:56 PM

Can't beat a pile of fresh vomit to step in. Sorry, I meant Strawberry shake.

# posted by

James (SeattleDad) : June 4, 2009 at 12:18 AM

ugh, that is gross

# posted by

DarkWing : June 4, 2009 at 12:41 AM

Oh yuck! I once stepped on a slug barefoot, that was kinda gross. But nothing tops vomit.

# posted by

Amy : June 4, 2009 at 12:43 AM

I dunno Amy--stepping on a slug barefoot comes pretty close. My gag reflext reacted just as strongly as the vomit. Ew.

# posted by

Valerie : June 4, 2009 at 2:49 PM

Ew, I remember that story! Weird - my son and I were inspecting a featherless, dead baby bird on the sidewalk by my garage just before I came in and read this. It was lying flat on its back and he said, "Maybe it's sleeping."
I love that we share the same joy in seeing people fall down!

Hippo Birdie Two Ewe.

# posted by

Bean : June 4, 2009 at 8:54 PM

my hubby once stepped on human excrement when he stepped into a bathroom stall at a Long Island beach. He was wearing sandals but the "pile" was so huge it just oozed up, around, and onto his foot.

Luckily there was a gardener out front watering the lawn who sprayed his crappy foot down.

# posted by

Anonymous : June 8, 2009 at 11:04 AM

Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! (I love AFV too)

# posted by

Jaina : June 9, 2009 at 6:51 PM

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