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Read One Hour Before, or Two Hours After Eating

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Momo Fali's: Read One Hour Before, or Two Hours After Eating

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Read One Hour Before, or Two Hours After Eating

Day before yesterday I laughed at someone for stepping on a dead baby bird. I didn't find the dead bird funny, but rather the picture of grace which is the person slipping on a city sidewalk. I like to watch people fall. I love AFV. It's kind of a sickness.

So guess who came to visit me yesterday? Karma. While working in the yard (okay, not so much working in the yard as spraying Round-Up on clovers that have apparently been sneaking steroids through the gate) I stepped on a dead baby bird.

You would think that was the worst thing I've ever stepped on.

Long ago, on a cruise, after a few too many drinks with mini-umbrellas and a certain ingredient that rhymes with "bum", I left the ship's dance club with friends. I was wearing high-heeled sandals that were killing my feet and decided to walk the carpeted halls barefoot.

As we rounded a corner, my bare foot landed squarely in a pile of someone's fresh vomit.

It may have been 12 years ago, but I am still telling myself that it was just a spilled strawberry shake.

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Comments:
Payback. It's a bitch and it squishes when you step in it.
 
I hate Karma. She's such a bitch.

Happy stepping!
 
Karma is so freaking genius.
 
Oh My God! Thats tooo funny. But now I fear because I laughed - karma is going to get me!
 
Blech...I read this one hour after eating--I really should learn to follow instructions. I never stepped on a dead baby bird, but last year I foud one in my house. Under the TV stand. I still have NO idea how it got there.....poor birdie.
 
Ew ew ew
 
Was it still warm? (The vomit, not the baby bird...) *snicker*
 
OK so it wasn't your post that got me, it was Lynn's comment asking if the vomit was warm. Blech!

I think stepping into fresh cat vomit in the middle of the night (and this was after I'd admonished the cat for bringing me yet another headless chipmunk) has been the worst.
 
I'm pretty sure I'll just skip lunch today.

So sick.
 
Karma is a bitch, isn't she. When I moved into my present house I found plenty of birds, dead and alive. They were getting in through the roof vents (the vents and roof have been replaced). To this day I don't look at birds the same way.
 
OMG that's disgusting. It gave me the ass shivers just reading it.
 
I, too, love AFV. Oh it cracks me up every time! But the vomit is gross.
 
I saw your tweet this morning warning me.

I then saw your tweet this afternoon.. yet warning me again..

I am thankful I took head to your warning and digested my lunch..

Vomit on the toes. now that makes me green.. blah.
 
I love people falling over too. Once laughed at a woman falling over a dwarf wall, then realising it was a church wall, laughed even harder.

Eeeevvvvviiillll.
 
I am suddenly very hungry for a shake!
*slurp*
 
Ok, now I am wishing I saw the afore mentioned tweets. My dinner about came up when you said the word vomit.
 
Ugh. Vomit? I would have cut off my foot.
 
WTH is AFV? And no, no, vomit is bad, warm vomit worse, but warm dog and/or cat shit is by far THE grossest ever. Blech.
 
I wish that was the worst thing I had ever done after a few too many fruity drinks.
 
*gag* isnt it weird how funny it is though, watching people fall? Once at Wurtsmith AFB in Michigan, we (the 2 of us plus about 3 other customers) were at the BX getting ready to make our way through the parking lot in the dead of the frigid winter. Thick lumpy ice all over the parking lot. it was storming so we waited a minute or so when this poor woman came walking in from her car. She tried so hard, poor girl. She stood up and fell down at least 4 times. I hated to laugh because it had to hurt, but man, it was hilarious...thanks for the laugh.
 
I'm still trying to think of what ingredient rhymes with Bum. Hmmmmm:

come

dumb

hum

mum

numb

plumb

sum

tum

thumb

chum

yum

GUM!

That's it! It was a bubble GUM flavored drink. Sounds awesome.
 
Oh so gross. Bummer for you, but laughs for us, so thanks!
 
I hate Karma!
 
Can't beat a pile of fresh vomit to step in. Sorry, I meant Strawberry shake.
 
ugh, that is gross
 
Oh yuck! I once stepped on a slug barefoot, that was kinda gross. But nothing tops vomit.
 
I dunno Amy--stepping on a slug barefoot comes pretty close. My gag reflext reacted just as strongly as the vomit. Ew.
 
Ew, I remember that story! Weird - my son and I were inspecting a featherless, dead baby bird on the sidewalk by my garage just before I came in and read this. It was lying flat on its back and he said, "Maybe it's sleeping."
I love that we share the same joy in seeing people fall down!

Hippo Birdie Two Ewe.
 
my hubby once stepped on human excrement when he stepped into a bathroom stall at a Long Island beach. He was wearing sandals but the "pile" was so huge it just oozed up, around, and onto his foot.

Luckily there was a gardener out front watering the lawn who sprayed his crappy foot down.
 
Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! (I love AFV too)
 
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