Momo Fali's: Are You Quotable?

Thursday, May 8, 2008

Are You Quotable?

I take humor very seriously. To me, there is little doubt about its benefits. Laughter is good for you.

My Dad is, hands down, the funniest person I have ever known. It doesn’t matter what you say to him, he will come back at you with one of his many bizarre, and often hilarious, catch phrases.

For instance, if you ask him what time it is, he will reply, “Time for all dogs to die, don’t you feel sick?” He doesn’t say he’s going to get a haircut, but instead he’s “going to get his ears lowered”. And, if you ask him to do something when he’s lounging in a chair his reply will be, “I’m awful busy”.

Imagine Steve Carell’s character on The Office saying, “That’s what she said”, but multiply it times infinity. My Dad has tons of these trademark lines. He has so many quotes, that he keeps them numbered “for emergencies”.

On my wedding video, he lifted his glass to toast me and his new son-in-law and said, “Here’s looking up your old address.” And when I was a kid, and I would start to get on his nerves he would say, “Go call your Mother and tell her she wants you.” But, if I was being unusually bad he would say, “Knock it off or I’m going to cloud up and rain all over you.”

More than a few of these have stuck. I find myself uttering his lines.

At my former job I heard some quotes which I continue to use such as, “It’s so cold outside, you could snap an ear off”. And, instead of saying, “Give me a break”, one of my co-workers used to say, “Peel me a grape”. I find myself saying that every day.

Not long ago a girl I know used the line, “Hot damn in can”, and now I say it too. Another thing I say quite often is, “For crying in a sink”. My husband’s family says, “For crying in a pop bottle”.

But, my most frequent quote? Well, it makes me sound like I’m Jed Clampett. When something goes wrong I always say, “Dag-nabbit”.

If I ever want to have a library as large as my Dad's I have a lot of work to do. So, I need your help. Boys and girls, I’m curious…what is your favorite phrase?

Labels: Family Life, Ramblings, Shameless Statements

# posted by Momo Fali : 7:08 AM

Comments:

oh...have i got some good ones. well to me they are.

1. good cow. my mom says this. when she was little "holy cow" was considered blasphemous so she always exclaimed "good cow" instead. i started saying a few years ago just to make fun of the phrase and got in the habit. i know...my kids are so going to make fun of me when i am old.

2. working hard or hardly working? this phrase, along with number 3, was asked of me everyday by a sweet old man who owned a country store where i stopped to get a soda on the way home from work...in small town texas.

3. did you learn something today or do you have to go back tomorrow? i was a teacher so the sweet man thought this phrase was hysterical as well.

stay tuned...there may be more!

# posted by

Natalie : May 8, 2008 at 7:45 AM

doobleh-vay is w in french- but has tranisitioned to WHATEVER!
and what about lordy loo?

# posted by

amy turn sharp : May 8, 2008 at 8:31 AM

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

# posted by

María : May 8, 2008 at 9:03 AM

If you are doing something strange or crazy, my dad always would ask us if we'd "been in mom's pills again". He also calls underwear "work pants" or "drillies". So now I say those things too. One thing I always say is "your momma does" as the answer to everything.
My favorite though is, "ima put my foot in your ass". (Yes, ima is a word).

# posted by

Heather : May 8, 2008 at 9:07 AM

This is hard because my trademark isn't a phrase, but it's tooting like a trumpet. Whenever excitement is in the air or some surprise event is about to transpire ("Look! it's Grandma!" or "oooh chocolate pudding for dessert") I always precede it with this "Doo doDoooo" trumpet sound. (I think I'm trying to imitate those fancy soldiers sounding the arrival of the king).
But anyway it is deadly contagious and in the past 20 years it has spread to numerous states and continents. Watch out.

# posted by

Anonymous : May 8, 2008 at 9:18 AM

Blimey, erm, if something annoys me or kind of bemuses me I have a tendency to say "How rude" quite a lot but always with a smile.

If it's cloudy Mr B and his family say "It's black over Bill's mothers." So I say that too now. Weird.

"You're not as green as you are cabbage looking." means you're not as daft as you look.

"He's got a face like a busted pit boot." Means boy, you is ugly.

"He's got a face as long as a gas man's mack." Means, you know, sad.

And, when my kids are being silly Mr B's mum calls then 'giddy kippers'.

One of my favourites is "She's as clever as a cart load of monkeys." I love that.

And that's all for now Miss Momo. ;)

# posted by

Jo Beaufoix : May 8, 2008 at 9:31 AM

I am so tired my eyes feel like they are bleeding.

I am starving today, my tapeworm must be working overtime.

fluck it.

I have a million other silly ones..but that is all I will torture you with.. ha.

ps. your father is a riot. I know you know that.. but figured I would remind you. :)

# posted by

Anonymous : May 8, 2008 at 9:55 AM

Jo wins for most original. I say "woulda, coulda, shoulda" so much that it drives my wife crazy.

# posted by

Anonymous : May 8, 2008 at 11:02 AM

My next door neighbor when I was a child had grown up in Mississippi in the 1910s, and her favorite exclamation of surprise and consternation (the closest she ever came to swearing) was, "Well, GAR-den seed!" Try it in a light Southern accent, and you'll be totally hooked.

# posted by

MommyTime : May 8, 2008 at 11:14 AM

Those are great!!!
I've been Texafied and tend to say things like 'good gracious' or 'I'm fixin' to....'.
My grandpa always said 'Judas Priest!'.

# posted by

Miss Lisa : May 8, 2008 at 11:15 AM

When someone ticks me off and I don't want to cuss I call them a "Dod Gamn Futher Muckin Bon of Sitch!"

When my wife sometimes blabs on and on about something I say "Ahhh Patooshee Patooshee". Totally irritates her and she always responds..."That's not even a word!"

When following a slow driver I usually yell out the window, "It's the pedal on the right!"

# posted by

Jared : May 8, 2008 at 11:15 AM

I've got nothing quite as original as all these above me!

I try to substitute random words for my favorite cuss words.

dad-gumit
far-fuknougat

and a lot of good griefs come out of my mouth too.

# posted by

Unknown : May 8, 2008 at 11:21 AM

Most people say "Whatever floats your boat," but my father always said "Whatever spins your propellor," which is what I say.

He also calls younger guys he likes "Leroy." No idea why, but the guys know that they're in if he says that.

One to say when I'm in disbelief, etc., I've adopted from our friends across the pond; "Oh my giddy aunt!" My co-worker also says "Lord love a duck" and I'm finding that creaping into my speach patterns.

# posted by

Anonymous : May 8, 2008 at 11:37 AM

Your Dad sounds great!!! When I'm mad and trying not to use the "s" word, I say "Sugar Beets!!!"

# posted by

Jen E : May 8, 2008 at 11:46 AM

To get the kids out of the way: "Go see if the pig laid an egg."

And I'll leave you more if I think of them. Fun post!

# posted by

And I'll Raise You 5 : May 8, 2008 at 12:00 PM

Mine all have to do with our lord and savior.

*Well, I'll be a greased Jesus! (my favorite)

*Jumping Jesus on a pogo stick!

*Christ on a cracker! (that one is Anne Nahm's fault)

And my husbands best line ever? She's so meek, you could take a dump on her chest and she'd make you tea after. I fell in love with him all over again the day that one was invented.

# posted by

Mr Lady : May 8, 2008 at 12:20 PM

my father is also the funniest man I know. He is one hell of a practical joker.

You fathers lines are classic. I intend to steal / borrow them

# posted by

Anonymous : May 8, 2008 at 12:31 PM

So put that in your juice box and suck it.

I love those quotes. Gonna go write those down. Haha!

# posted by

Ashley : May 8, 2008 at 12:38 PM

"If it was up your ass, you'd know where it was"

and

"This is a whorehouse setup"

# posted by

Anonymous : May 8, 2008 at 12:46 PM

Brace yourself Bridget!

# posted by

Martin : May 8, 2008 at 1:08 PM

Your dad and my dad sound very similar!
I remember when Piper said that, I love that saying!
I'm so glad I am not the only one who says Dagnabbit!!

# posted by

Rachel : May 8, 2008 at 1:09 PM

These are great! Your dad sounds a lot like my papa. I have to admit to saying goofy stuff too though. Every time he calls me he'll ask me, "whatcha up to" to which I reply, "oh, 'bout 5'4". He chuckles and asks if I'm ever going to hit a growth spurt!

Are you taking The List challenge? Come on over to my place and take it. It's under Blog Rolling with My Homies. There are some awesome blogs out there! I'm on page 3 of 5.

# posted by

DeeDee : May 8, 2008 at 1:48 PM

Wow. Your Dad, and these comments, are pretty great. A couple of my favorites;

Don't know where I first heard/read it: "I saved your life last night by killing a sh*t eating dog!"

My wife is fond of saying: "Colder than a witches tit in a brass bra!"

# posted by

Anonymous : May 8, 2008 at 2:26 PM

My father in-law, when he got mad, would always say John Brownit? I know I never quite got that one either.

# posted by

Anonymous : May 8, 2008 at 3:10 PM

My mom always says, "My giddy aunt!", "Holy Dinah," and "If you don't like the heat, get off the stove."

My grandma used to say, "You aren't as green as you are cabbage looking."

My mother-in-law says, "Birdie's gonna poop on your lip," (I hate that one...) and "holy doodle"

# posted by

Anonymous : May 8, 2008 at 3:15 PM

My kids say thinks are prettiful when they can't decide between pretty and beautiful.
I am always saying " Would you like some cheese with that whine?
As a southern girl all of the family weird ones like:
" It's coming up a storm" (WHAT? That doesn't even make sense!)
Jeez louise
You make a better door than a window.
Your dad's quotes were great!
Andi- in VA

# posted by

Anonymous : May 8, 2008 at 3:20 PM

I swore I would never becoem my parents but I find myself becoming so much like them.

You dad sounds like a hoot.

These comments are great too. I would LOVE to read throuhg a list of organized sayings. Great post idea!

# posted by

OHmommy : May 8, 2008 at 4:05 PM

From my grandma, and I use it frequently, in response to "I want": "You can want in one hand, and poop in the other, and see which one gets full first."

Thanks Grandma!!

# posted by

Anonymous : May 8, 2008 at 4:06 PM

"I am so smart S-M-R-T" I got it from the simpsons and sadly I use it often when I do dumb things.

# posted by

Jamie Willow : May 8, 2008 at 4:44 PM

Hmm, right now I seem to be saying Knock it off a lot. Too much really.

# posted by

Amy : May 8, 2008 at 5:03 PM

My family says a lot of stuff about "Sam Hill". Whoever he is.

# posted by

Anonymous : May 8, 2008 at 6:11 PM

Well butter my butt and call me a bisquit!

Re: NOLA's humidity: It's like walking in warm (pronounced "wahm") spit.

Plus THOUSANDS more from my family!!

# posted by

Anonymous : May 8, 2008 at 6:19 PM

Momo - have you ever wondered exactly what these wonderful phrase really meant, where they came from?
Here's one source of info...
http://members.aol.com/MorelandC/Phrases.htm

My grandmother's cousin that lived to be 103 used to end her letters to me with "I'll leave the latchstring out." What that meant was - the old cabin doors had the big wooden latch across the door. To open it from the outside the "latchstring" had to be put to the outside through a hole in the door. The latchstring, when pulled, would then lift the latch and allow the door to be open.

# posted by

Moonshadow : May 8, 2008 at 6:24 PM

I would REALLY like to meet your dad!
I'm still over using that's what she said and I'm trying to get 'excuse me but I have to go x-ray my chicken' to catch on. I've also always been fond of 'gahzoinks.'

# posted by

Michael C : May 8, 2008 at 7:00 PM

So friggin funny. I love those crazy phrases....my dad used to say stupid ones like "chill your pill" when he wanted us to calm down. I can't believe I have actually uttered it a time or two myself to my kids.

# posted by

Whiney Momma : May 8, 2008 at 8:27 PM

My mom says "the day all dogs are dead, aren't you glad you're a puppy?" I always thought she was WEIRD. LOL
I say.....
Holy Jeebus or Oh My Jeebus.
For crying in the mud.
Butter my butt and call me a biscuit.
She's dumb as a box of rocks, bless her heart.
Oh my liver!
Oh my stars!
Good gravy.
so many more.....
~Cyndy

# posted by

Putting the FUN in DysFUNctional : May 8, 2008 at 9:39 PM

Fun!
I say "Dag-nabbit" too!
Some others I say are
"I'd rather be boiled in oil"
"Jack Dammit" (instead of s-word)
"C'mon Now"
"Flippin'" (instead of the other 'F')
"Egads" ... oh wait ... these are words - not phrases! Okay, well the oil one counts as a phrase!

# posted by

Anonymous : May 8, 2008 at 9:41 PM

I've uttered "Yipes Stripes!" as in the old commercials for the lose-its-flavor-as-soon-as-saliva-touches-it Fruit Stripes Gum...many a time. :-)
Great post idea!!

# posted by

Anonymous : May 8, 2008 at 9:46 PM

What a fun post Momo! I love your dad's sayings and plan to memorize them all. That's what she said! (my favorite use of that one was the dinner party episode- could that have been anymore funny?)

*If my kids pester me about something they say they want I ask them,
"How's it feel to want?"

*if it's hot, it's "hot-as-a-mug"

*if something hurts a lot, "it hurts like a big-dog"

*When you're hanging out on the couch (or where ever)with your significant other and they get up, you say, "Hey, sensuous..."(which they love), then you say "Sinceyouwasup, will you get me etc..."

*my dad always said "Heavens to murgatroid!" & "Dunekoff" which is no doubt the wrong spelling of the German word for stupid or idiot. He said it to himself when he did something he thought was stupid - never to us thankfully.

* If Mom wanted something done she's say "do it immediately if not sooner"

*co-worker A, always said "Junk in the trunk!" when something went wrong...a total misuse of the phrase, which I loved.

*oo-worker B nearly drove me up a wall when she managed to work "I was about to say!" in to every last conversation we ever had.

*co-worker C said "better than a sharp stick in the eye."

*co-worker D was a kindergarten teacher assistant I worked with and whenever the kids would start blabbering on & on, she'd cut them off by saying "Abbajeebajah" really fast & they knew it was time to shut up immediately, if not sooner *S*

I think my all time favorite is to say "You look rode hard and put away wet."

# posted by

Birdie : May 8, 2008 at 10:30 PM

Whenever one of my kids announces something inane or totally insignificant ( especially when one of my TEENS tells me they are going to the bathroom) I will say "I shall alert the media.'

# posted by

Tara R. : May 8, 2008 at 10:32 PM

oh one more..I forgot Pee or get off the pot! I use that one just about every morning on the way to work because I wait til the last minute to leave the house and people drive slow in the left lane, trapping me. Why??? If you aren't gonna go five over, you need to get over! Pee or get off the pot!

# posted by

Birdie : May 8, 2008 at 10:40 PM

Your dad is awesome! I have issues with mine but I could never fault his sense of humor. Which, one of my brothers inherited.

Mine is 'crap on a cracker!'

I'm sure there's more but I can't think of any other ones right now.

I hope you don't mind if I use the 'don't make me cloud up and rain on you' that was my favorite! :o)

# posted by

Bee : May 8, 2008 at 11:25 PM

Dad-Burnit! Was a curse alternative in my house growing up.

Had a friend that used to say:
I'm so broke I can't pay attention.
Pert near, I reckon.
It beats chasin' a burnin' dog. (that's just sick)

When my kids are singing with the radio and it gets to be too much to take I'll ask: Who sings this? They'll tell me and then I'll say; Why don't we let them?

# posted by

Anonymous : May 9, 2008 at 12:22 AM

I say Dag-nabbit!!! I do.

Love, "“Knock it off or I’m going to cloud up and rain all over you.” AWESOME!!! So going to use it.

I also say fudge buckets when I get mad. All my obscenities have something to do with food. Like HOLY SUNDAES, KISS MY APPLE BOTTOM, I'M SO MAD I COULD EAT LIVER . . .

Great post . . . I adore your dad!

# posted by

Laski : May 9, 2008 at 12:26 AM

Your dad is TOO funny!!

Mine tend to be directed to the monsters:

"I'mma kick you." (in sing song)

"I'mma knock. You. Out."

I'm just thankful the kids get it - if I said it too loud out in public, I'm sure I'd get some L@@ks. ;)

# posted by

Dette : May 9, 2008 at 1:06 AM

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner

# posted by

Anonymous : May 9, 2008 at 2:54 PM

Crap.

When I worked as a PT my patients used to say that I had a saying for everything, but they pop out so naturally I don't even notice. I am like Dr. Phil in this regard.

# posted by

Texasholly : May 9, 2008 at 3:41 PM

Crap.

When I worked as a PT my patients used to say that I had a saying for everything, but they pop out so naturally I don't even notice. I am like Dr. Phil in this regard.

# posted by

Texasholly : May 9, 2008 at 3:42 PM

Hot damn in a can?

Who is this 'girl' you know anyway? She's a nut job.

(pine nut job)

Fave quote, as of this second,

"I would rather be jobless, living on some beach, off a large inheritance, than work in any of these crap holes." - Michael Scott

# posted by

piper : May 9, 2008 at 4:37 PM

# posted by

piper : May 9, 2008 at 4:37 PM

My favourite is one my gran used to say.

If you asked her to do something that she didn't want to do, she would always reply, 'I can't I've got a bone in my leg'.

# posted by

eeore : May 9, 2008 at 6:28 PM

Oh and some my mum used to say when we were kids.

If you said 'hey!' - you would recieve the polite reminder that 'hay is for horses not for people.'

Or if you got told off and started your reply with 'well' - in the sense of 'well she did it' - you were reminded that 'a well is a very deep hole and if you don't shut your mouth you'll fall in it.'

Or the reply to 'mum I'm thirsty' - was, 'yes and I'm friday'

Which spawned - 'mum I'm hungry' - which got the reply 'I'm Czechoslovakia.'

Though the one I could never understand - and in truth my mother doesn't either - was when we drove her to destruction with the whiney appeal of 'MuUUUum?, MuUUUUUum?' - she would say 'Oh Mum's arse in a banbox'.

I have never found out what a banbox is - or why my mother should put her bottom in one.

(my apologies for the use of the word a**e)

# posted by

eeore : May 9, 2008 at 6:37 PM

Hubby used to work with an old French Canadian fellow who used to say "Moogy" in front of everything to make it sound even worse or better... like an amplifier.

"Moogy" this and "Moogy" that... and now *I* find myself saying it all the time! Arrrrggghhh.... Moogy darn guy making me look silly....

# posted by

Maureen : May 9, 2008 at 10:29 PM

My son says "hooley dooley macarooley" when he means 'wow'.

My grandma could never pass a bargain, and whenever grandpa would get cross with her for spending money she would always respond with "It's only money - they make it round so it can go round." This is one of my favourite phrases now too - especially seeing as I love a bargain as well!

# posted by

Mum-me : May 10, 2008 at 7:42 AM

I always say stupidhead when I get mad. You know driving down the road and someone cuts you off, stupidhead!

# posted by

Anonymous : May 10, 2008 at 1:11 PM

I don't think I have any that are very original. I say "Cool Beans" "Crapola" and "Shyza" (pronounced "SHY" "ZAH"). My grandma used to say "Aye Dios Mio" (oh my god) and "Aye Mi Cavello" (Oh my hair-although I seem to be the only one who remembers her saying this!).

# posted by

Angie : May 10, 2008 at 11:03 PM

Whenever things don't go quite as planned, I say "frickin' A" - so much so that my girls think that "the 'F' word" is "frickin'". :-)

# posted by

MamaMo : May 15, 2008 at 12:28 PM

'You're harder to catch than the clap.'

That's a fav but my sister and I have our own language when it comes to one liners.

I am busting a gut at the prospect of telling my kids(or husband) to go call their mom and tell her she wants you. That is hysterical!

# posted by

Anonymous : May 15, 2008 at 10:54 PM

I'm either out and about or about to go out. Leave a message.

tpg

# posted by

Anonymous : February 14, 2010 at 1:10 AM

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.

tpg

# posted by

Anonymous : February 14, 2010 at 1:14 AM

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