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Momo Fali's: On Quitting

Monday, September 13, 2010

On Quitting

I don't really know where to start this post and I, most certainly, do not know where it will end. I guess that I should begin by saying that, in the last week, I let myself get so overwrought that I actually contemplated giving up something I really love. No, not chocolate. No, not beer.

I thought about giving up this blog.

I used to believe that if you're going to do had better do it right, but I don't really have time for that mantra anymore. Now, if I'm going to do something it's half-assed or nothing at all.

My kids? Well, they get the best of what I can offer. My 25-hour a week job gets second best. then there's my husband, laundry, cleaning, cooking, errands, volunteering...oh, and this blog. Sometimes I try to sleep, but I don't even do that well.

I won't mention that I am overweight and in the worst shape of my life. Wait. I guess I did mention it.

Trust me, out of all of the things for which I am responsible, I would love to give up laundry and cooking most of all. I even like to cook, but the time it takes out of my day is ridiculous. Of course, that's if it's going to be done right...which it usually isn't.

On top of everything, I am looking for additional part-time work in the afternoons. Writing, editing, testing, whatever. I. Need. Cash. So, you me. Who doesn't want a haggard, stressed-out insomniac on their payroll? Oh, all of you then.

I am tired of living in a whirlwind. I am tired of doing so much, but doing nothing well. I'm tired of being sub-standard and not living up to my potential. I'm tired of being fat. I'm tired of hating myself. I'm tired of feeling weak.

I want to write. I want to read books. I want to go to Yoga class. I want to put my pictures into albums. I want to make a life list. I want to spend time with family and friends. I want to run. I want to do better.

I know that some people handle and accomplish far more than I do. Good for them. I can't do it. I should get credit for my admission.

Unfortunately, I can barely find time to brush my hair, let alone do anything I want to do. And, unfortunately, there is nothing elective to give up other than this blog.

This special corner of my world, with the best support a girl could ask for, is the only thing I can quit.

But, before I do...I am open to suggestions. If you can help me save this place...this thing I love...that is so dear to me, I will be forever indebted. Just don't count on me having time to pay you back.

To all of you who called, texted, e-mailed and commented...thank you. Your support proved to me that I'll never be able to stop.

Labels: ,

You don't have to quit it, you can just put it down for a minute. a while. a forever if it ends up that way, if blogging never fits back into your life. But you don't have to Quit.

First of all, Missy, give yourself a break. Don't be so hard on yourself!

And literally, give yourself a break from the blog if you need to (we all care that you take care of yourself, and if not writing HERE for a while is what you need, then so be it!), but don't declare that you're quitting officially. Refocus for a while on your IRL activities, and if you feel the urge to write here now and then, do it. You'll be in my reader forever. (of course, you can feel free to call me and let me know you have a post up just so you can CALL ME! haha)

Don't pressure yourself to write here. I bet if you decide to take a break from it for two weeks, you'll miss it in 7 days. (You've done it before, haven't you?)

And if not, then so be it. You're stuck with me whether you write on a blog or not.

You're Top Choice. (<-----meat. hahahaha)

I love you. Whatever works FOR YOU works for me.
What they said above. Exactly.
Take the break.

Go enjoy all the things you are missing and then if you have time come back here. Take it from me.. quitting is the worst decision I made. seriously, I miss the outlet and the connections.

Once you quit you will find a whole new level of pressures you can blame.. I don't know any Mom or Dad in general that can do it all.. and those who say they can are smoking some funny crap out their bums.

enjoy your break.
but don't quit,
Breaks are okay. I've taken them from time to time.

The thing is, we truly care about how you're doing. These people who comment, who read your blog, we're your extended family. Not meant as a pressure tactic, just as a reassurance that we're here and we care.

Do you what need to do. Take the time for the important things. Myself, I like to pray about stuff like this for guidance. But whatever you choose, maybe drop a note here once in a while to let us know you're hanging in there?
I have been struggling with this for a long time. I finally completely turned off my stats.. have no idea what's going on there... and just doing what I want, when I want.

I keep up with only a few other blogs, but try not to stress out over it. We are all feeling overwhelmed sometimes, but this... this writing is what helps keep me sane. Do this for you. Your support will still be here no matter what you choose to do.
Prioritize. Is blogging important to you? Then find a spot for it, whether it be 10 minutes a day, or one hour once a week, or some other arrangement.

Drop the stuff that doesn't matter as much. I'd love to finish the cross stitch projects I'm storing. Will I do it? Maybe someday, but at the moment it's not that important to me, so it gets pushed aside.

If blogging is a part of your me time, carve out a spot for it and guard it carefully. You need your me time as much as kid time and work time. If you need to add more to your me time, like running or yoga, then you have to decide which activity gets which day of your me time.

And this is probably rambling because I just came back from a me time run (laundry be damned) and I'm still a little light headed. I know how you feel - I'm constantly feeling pulled in a thousand different directions, needing more time, more money, and more rest.

A break from blogging is always an option, too. Come back when you've had time to get some other things off your to-do list.

I thought technology was supposed to make our lives easier and give us more time? When do we get all that extra time?
I know the feeling. I've done the halfway thing far too many times, but ... I also know that when I completely give up on anything I do purely for myself (e.g., you and your blog or something else), that's when things really go downhill elsewhere. You need your outlet to keep yourself sane, trust me.

Feel free to take a break from your blog, but make sure you pick up something for yourself, even if it's just for five minutes a day. You need it. AND you deserve it.

And the rest of it? I hear ya. Rice cooker - two minutes to stick the rice in there and it's done in an hour (and if you use chicken broth instead of water and add some chopped raw chicken before you cook, it makes a great effortless meal - toss some frozen peas in at the end, and maybe some Parmesan cheese grated on top, and you're set. There are lots of super quick meals like that out there....)

I felt this way in July, but I never said anything; it passed. I guess what I would say is put it on hold and blog for you, not for us. I totally get it--Blogging "right" is an incredible obligation. Take a break. We'll be here when you get back.
Oh Momo, say it ain't so!

Please don't quit (do you see me on my hands and knees, begging?)

Take a break. Make a few dinners. Put some pictures into scrapbooks, but don't leave forever. Maybe only write once a week? Or take a month off? But don't say you will NEVER be back! I need to see you in SD next August. Yes, you knew I would bring it back to me. You are not alone in the pressure dept and the blog sometimes can be a pressure, but have it be a once a week thing. I guess that would be better than making dinner once a week a thing....

We love you out here in blog world even if we don't stop by every day. See? It would be helpful to me if you only wrote once a week. Maybe then, I could catch up. Truly this is about me.

xoxo :)
Remember when Star Wars figures couldn't bend their elbows? Remember when Legos didn't come with instructions? Remember when BusyDad blogged?

Momo, let the king of 'I only blog when I feel like it' tell you something: this is YOUR corner of the internet. You do what you want, when you want. You never entered into a contract to keep us entertained. We found YOU. And we love that we did. That's it. We won't love your stories any less if you posted them twice a year.

Do what you gotta do, just keep the door open so we can come drink virtual Coronas with you when we feel like it.

*off to plot my 'remember when momo blogged' revenge tweets* muahahaha!!!

(seriously, you have always been one of my favs. I won't let you quit.)
I will support you no matter what you decide. But I hope you don't quit your blog. And that's coming from someone who has gone from "talking" to you almost every single day for years before your blog, to learning to find out tidbits about your life through almost solely the blog and Twitter. I miss you. But this blog has brought you so much joy and really great friends and experiences. Remember your first post? You said it would be a creative OUTLET. Let it be that again. Find a way to make it so. I cried upon reading this ... you do so much more in your life than I do in mine and I don't take the time for any creative outlet. I need to. I see the difference.

You're GREAT at writing this blog, Mo, and you love it. After some soul searching, it will come to you ... a way to make this work ... you deserve it so much.

Okay, Momo, listen up!

First of all, let me tell you that you are SO not alone in those feelings. I can't speak for anyone else, but when you were talking about being weary from having to do everything and not doing any of it well, I sort of stood up on my chair and said PREACH IT SISTER!

I do NOTHING well. I'm in charge of everything, I'm broker than broke, I'm behind on every bill, my boys have new bad attitudes, etc etc etc, yada yada yada. Plus, I'm so effing alone and lonely all the damn time that sometimes I don't want to leave my bed. Also, I've gained 20lbs, because I can't do anything, but I CAN buy food because of the food benefits I get for being dirt poor. So I eat. It's humiliating. I don't sleep because of the weight of my weariness, and I see no end in sight.

Do you get that yet? I can relate, and YOU, my precious friend, are not alone in any of this.

Yes, I know it feels unbearable. All the damn time. Every damn day. And it never stops being hard. It sucks.

BUT! I guarantee you that this blog, and your friends here in blogland, are pretty big bright spots in your life. I know that we are, and I know that because that's exactly what it's all about for me. You don't want to quit this. I know you don't. So, don't.

You're tired. Take a break from this, if you must. But don't quit.

What you should quit doing is feeling like you owe your blog something that you can't give it. Like, you aren't measuring up to it or something. (again, with this, I can so relate, so I DO understand)

All you have to be here is you. The good, the bad, the tragic, the funny, the silly, the sad... and you don't owe anybody here anything. We love you EXACTLY as you are.

Stop torturing yourself.

Don't write anymore posts to store in draft. Don't write until you have something climbing out of your fingertips on it's own. Take off your shoes, let the breeze between your toes, lay on the floor and stare at the ceiling, listen to music. Eliminate the obligation you have imposed upon yourself here.

We aren't going anywhere. We need you, and dare I say, you need us? You need this outlet, and just let it be that, an outlet.

I'll stop preaching now, but dammit, Momo, if you go AWOL I don't think I can face another day of my own life. (and that's the freakin truth! I need YOU)

And in case you forgot, I love you THISMUCH!

(((big fat HUGS)))
Did u read my blog today? Why do I ask? I'm right there with you.
I have no sage advice. Just know you aren't alone. Unless you want to be. I wouldn't want to be all stalkerish. Xoxoxo
This hit me like a punch in the gut. The blogosphere would be a much emptier place without you in it.

Your devoted friends and followers have beat me to the advice punch but I agree wholeheartedly. Switch up your focus and stop feeling like you need to perform for us. If it becomes like work, you definitely won't want to do it. Please don't leave us, Momo!! I sent you my new cell number. Don't hesitate to use it. Call, text, whatever. I love you, girl.
Don't quit, fair Diane. Just write when you want to, and get lost in everything else when you want (or need) to.

We'll be here, whenever you need us.

Funny, I almost wrote the identical post today, because I am broken. Life has gotten away from me as well.

But it helps to know I'm not alone feeling like this. And sugar, you can't quit. Because I don't know how to quit you.
I love the way Piper spoke her heart.

Do what you need to do for YOU, my dear. That's what matters most.

No obligations.


Breathe easy.

Rest on this one thing here.

I stopped blogging publicly from April to August and it was FABULOUS. I did keep a private blog to vent, just to get the dark stuff out, but there was no pressure, no worries.

Love to you.
I want to be your friend because you wrote what is in my heart. I couldn't help but cry (from relief? knowing I'm not alone?) because it's exactly how I am feeling too. I wish I had some advice for you. But I don't. I am, however, going to read through the advice your friends are giving you. Because it's good. Really good. Well, most of it. ;)
I have no suggestions, I just have a plea.

I stumbled across your blog last year and I don't read it as regularly as I should (because of all the reasons you're thinking of quitting plus some health hell on the side), but I would be incredibly sad if you stopped writing.

You write a story that is meaningful, important. You write, unintentionally, about my relationship with my mother. You write about my childhood, adolescence, from the perspective that I never saw.

You have an ability to write about tough mothering moments with grace unlike anyone else. Your ability to let us see your struggles, but also your triumphs is something truly special.

For selfish reasons, I don't want you to quit. But in the end, if it's what you need to do, I understand and wish you the best.
You may take a break.

But you quit?

I'll cut a bitch.

You saw me trash talk Ohio State (in Ohio!!)


(and all that eloquent stuff all those other people said up there.)
Well I would hate to see your blog go but I do understand your reasons. What about just taking some of the pressure off yourself? Not forcing yourself to write every day or even every other day... just when you feel the urge? xoxo
Hey, if Casey is swearing, I'd definitely reconsider! heh

Don't go - take a break, take some time for you, but don't go. Use it as you NEED it, but don't feel obligated to it. You do amazing things and you're not alone.
Try the VDog school of blogging -- post only when you feel like it. ABSOLUTELY feel like it.

This equates to about once a quarter, or 4 times a year. lol

And hey! There's always twitter.

My other advice would be: dump the ads, cut out the bullshit, DON'T return comment, etc. and just leave this place be for when you need it. You're not paying for a domain or hosting, so why not?

You were one of the first people to follow me at Irish Gumbo, and I've never forgotten that. I'm very grateful to have made your acquaintance.

A person can only do so much. You and your family deserve your best.

My first suggestion would be to take a sabbatical and rest and recharge and focus on you and yours. Then when you are ready, you can decide if its still for you, and you can always come back.

I'd be sad to see you go, but you need to do what is best for you. Whatever you decide, I wish you all the best and much love.

Thank you for being one of the first to encourage me to keep at it.

This goes through my head all the time as well...

Here's hoping you don't quit - I just found you and I'm smitten.
Do what you want to do when you want to do it. That being said, I looooooooooove you! And also? You are beautiful inside and out.
I found my blog linked in the word "support," and I nearly started crying on the spot. You support me way more than you can know and I am grateful.

Norman Cousins wrote about how much we need a creative outlet to get us through the worst spots of life. (He was talking about new major illnesses, but I say it's universal.) When writing feels like a creative outlet and you can't keep the words from coming, then blog that story and let it out.

But as for trying to keep us entertained--that's just not what it's about. You would lament the loss if you never blogged again, but when it's something you go to when you *want* to--hey.

You might want to keep that option open for whenever, at random. And not just because I hope you do.
Please. don't. quit. But please take a break if you need it. Yours is definitely one of the hands down best blogs out there, and one of the few I regularly read. Take a break, and don't let blogging make you feel guilty: you are giving US a gift when you come when they come and are by their nature free of any attachments. So give us whatever you can, but never ever think you owe us anything. Take care of yourself first.

I know the root cause of your true stress. I blame NukeDad for disappearing off the face of the earth and now that it's football season you are overcome with the loss of constant harassment.

Take a breath, take a break, but don't take away your one self indulgence that I feed off of.

Part of the beauty of the blog is that anyway that you do it, you are doing it right. It's yours and so the best way to do it is however you do it.

I love you lots and whatever you do, don't think that you can ever get rid of me.

Love you lots.
I agree with the others - don't quit, just take a break. Or just post every quarter or something until you think you want to post more - or not. Your choice.

I love that you are on the road to focusing your yourself. If you decide to run, the couch to 5k program is awesome!!! :) Hang in there - you are an awesome person - and I have only met you once and know that. :)
Two pieces of advice: 10 Don't you dare quit unless you promise to spend ex-blogging time doing one of those lovely things you listed.

2)Leave yourself an out by not quitting, just take a break. Like most bloggers, I'm betting you use this as a creative and personal outlet. Walk away for a bit, and come back whenever you feel like it. I'll always be delighted to see Momo Fali show up in my reader.
I'm a regular reader just not good at commenting. I couldn't keep quiet on this one though.


Like everyone else said, just take a break. Do it for you. On YOUR time.

Just don't pull the plug.

Good luck!
I just want to echo the above. You don't have to make a quitting declaration. Just take a break. Give yourself a break as well. Scale down to a "need to do it" basis with everything before adding back in any wants. Take care of yourself.

That'll involve saying NO to some things... something I'm horrible at.

You are in my reader. I'll be here if you post tomorrow or 6 months from now. Pretty sure the rest of your readers feel the same.
I am in the same position. So I post when I can. What starts out as a higher priority task sometimes gets pushed back - Obviously your family comes first.

I'll be happy to check in, make sure you're still here.

feed us when you can.

I'll wait. As i guess you may do for me. I post even less frequently, but would love to more! I'd like to open up Oscars again. But time is tight.

A Fan.
So, you don't have time and you don't have energy. Yeah, I feel you. When I get that way, the hubby says "Take some time for you." I want to scream, "What about 'I don't have time' doesn't make sense?" but I know he's right.

I take a bath. I remember what's important. I forgive myself for being imperfect. I eat chocolate. Just one piece. Ha! I do 5 push-ups, because 5 is more than 0.

I love you, and I'm not the only one.

Whenever blogging feels like an obligation, don't do it. When you've got something spilling out that you just need to get out, write. If you have 40 posts in a row that are whiny and stressed out, so be it.

We'll still be here.
I can't read all the comments - no time! But I think Tara R said it all anyway. Good advice there. Turn off stats and just blog when you damn well feel like it.

I nearly quit this year and went for a month without blogging. Again just recently I was approaching a month before I threw something up there. I have to do what works (for me - not for SEO and feedburner #s and suchlike), and that changes from month to month apparently, or I couldn't do it at all.

(Don't quit!)
Time to reprioritize. Is blogging important to you? Yea, I think it is. In fact it's your blogging that will get you those part time writing or editing jobs, to say nothing of the fact that it's one thing you do just for you (at least it should be for you - nobody else). Get over the fact that you can't do everything. Nobody can. Do what is important to you, not what someone else thinks you should do. Volunteer hours - no, not now. Photos in albums - uh, seriously nobody has that - boxes or a hard drive will store those photos just fine. Laundry and cooking have to get done but the family needs to help with that. So prioritize and do only the things that are meaningful and important to you. Leave behind all the rest.
sent you an email.
do what is best for you , momo love.
I have been in this "place" more times than I can count. The overwhelmed "when did life stop being fun"?!? All I can say to you is that let this blog be what it as often as you want...I used to stress so much over posting on my blog but hit a wall like this last fall. It got to the point where I had to figure "bye-bye blog", only I never even wrote a last good-bye post. But some days it would hit me - "I should write about that". And I would. You can look in my archives - for several months I only posted 2 or 3 times. And slowly its come back to me. I can't be everything to everyone, least of all myself. I know I over do it. I know I half-ass everything. Most days that pisses me off. Then there are the days that I realize I'd rather have half-ass than nothing at all. One day my life may be different and I'll have time to write and work in a field I love. I wish I could say that time was at least on the horizon, but its not. Please don't give up blogging altogether, though - its friends like YOU that keep ME going on an ongoing basis.

Big hugs my friend!
If you quit, I'll have to move to the Midwest and stalk you for reals. This intensive work will force me to shower even less than I do in real life as an at-home dad. That will make things even less pleasant for you, sweetie.

Cut back to one post a week. We'll stay here for you.

And less time on Twitter. It is the most evil of time wasters.
Okay, Momo, I'm with what everyone else has said 100%!

Yours is one of the first blogs I ever read and I couldn't imagine coming here and you not being here, even if it is only once in awhile, that's better then not at all!

You are fabulous and even if it doesn't feel like it right now we all know how much you rock!

Keep your chin up! xoxo
Ok, I do remember when Busy Dad Blogged! Gosh that was a good time.

And...I think everyday when I post my schlock, "Will anyone read this, will they comment, will they care?"

For me, it's therapy...if it becomes too much work...I'll still do it, just not as much.

You make me laugh with every post, even the sad ones...because you have a gift...which I'm glad you share for now.

Maybe some guest posts would help?

My daughter (25) reads your blog even on the days she doesn't read mine!

Hang in there. The kids'll be gone soon enough..and you can blog til your fingers bleed!

"I want to write", what do you call this blog, m'dear? This IS writing. But whatevs...

"I am looking for additional part-time work"...remember that thing I sent you awhile ago? Look into it. I'll email you the link again if you want.
I have thought this time and time and time again. However, here is what I try to do. I blog when something happens, I spend time with my family, I only tweet when I get a few minutes, or when something happens, and I close the laptop and do my thing.

I plug along each day, reminding myself that there are far more important things in life- but remembering that I NEED to write, I LOVE to write, and i HAVE to write.

So, we do what we can - and we pray for the rest.

May the force be with you. There, now go kick some *&&
Awww, we all have those days where we feel like a big, fat failure! Trust me! It'll pass and you'll feel better again, but until then do something for yourself. Even if it's just getting some sleep! We love you and would miss you terribly if you left, but you do whatever you need to do. Sending a hug your way!
One last thought--you're recording what your kids are doing and what you're going through and what this stage of life is like for you, and later you will treasure every post. It's a lot more fun than baby books; these books have comments that talk back. (Even if we're nicely bossing you around and telling you what to do. Like this comment is doing right here. Blog! When you want to, only.)
What about posting just when you feel like it? Make the blog something that is for you. You do it when it's right for you, not when you feel obligated. The nice thing about google reader is we'll get it when it comes. There is no need or obligation to do it on a schedule or a regular basis. I read some blogs where the bloggers post only every couple of months. And when their entries pop up, it's a treat. It's a pleasure to read your posts, regardless of when or how often they appear.
Please don't leave this blog. Seriously. I have loved reading every single word you have ever written. I have SO MUCH respect for you. And I would miss you terribly!

I know you may FEEL like you are tired of doing so much, and doing nothing well. But I think you are just being too hard on yourself.

Are you overwhelmed? Clearly.

So maybe you just need a blog vacation for a month and take time to make a few adjustments in your life.

And of course I will support whatever decision you make.

Love you woman.
I haven't read any of the comments, but I want to tell you that OMG I have been feeling the EXACT. SAME. WAY.

Take a break. Disconnect. Go off the grid. But, don't leave.

I love you.
Please don't quit, I really really enjoy reading your are so real, and I tell ya, I feel like I could have written that post myself. Stressed, overwhelmed, stretched way to thin...never feel that you are doing a good job at anything, just barely keeping up...wondering how everyone else is able to do it...blessings to you and your family, hopefully you will find the strength and the time to continue...I love hearing about your family! I also have crazy kids, a husband who is sometimes clueless, and a lab that is goofy...I can relate to a lot of what you say!

Hugs to you...R
I'm glad to see you didn't let it go. You bring so much laughter to all of us. And besides, I'm sure, if I asked your husband, daughter, and son, they would ALL disagree with this post! All anyone can do is try... it doesn't have to be perfect. That's God's job.
I'm in the same boat - and my answer has simply been to post almost never. I don't want to close the door on the blog completely ... but it's quite obviously not what it once was. But it's there when I need it to be.

And you know we'll be here when you need us.

You know what's cool about regular readers? We have you in our feed. We'll know when you post. We aren't going anywhere. Post when you want to, don't post when you don't. A year ago, I ditched the advertising on my blog, and a whole lotta pressure lifted from my shoulders. I wasn't beholden to anyone's blogging schedule anymore.

After that, stop thinking about putting photos in albums and that stuff. Let it go for now. Find your big, hairy, important priorities, and let the rest of your to-do list die. You can do that stuff another year. Or not. Give yourself permission to let it all go. I'm in a better place now that I took "baby quilt" off my list. I swear.

I am so glad I read this post AFTER I read the last one.
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